consulting the oracle

this is something i do, something i did, as alot of people do but never admit to. over time the words on these magnets get lost behind the fridge (dare i mention the freak out i had while 9 months pregnant over the loss of ‘father’ it disappeared completely into the mess under the fridge and i made a disgruntled husband move the old fridge and seek out the quarter inch magnet. why did the ‘father’ disappear? hmmm… that’s another story)  eventually these tiny tidbits find themselves getting swept into the trash with the dust kitties. over time the choice of vocabulary dwindles, making each word more meaningful than the last.

the other night i began with ‘winter finds no owl’ and later removed both ‘kind girl’ and ‘hot mom’ from the prose all together; leaving me with this bit of poem.

flew,
cried…
believe peace.
whisper truth under her.
fall has a new start, little bird
try to laugh.
there was light.
winter saw no storm.

so, this is me, barefoot. late at night in the kitchen, foraging for frozen treats. stopping briefly to breathe, blink, breathe… and see what is before me. a jumbled mess of words, much like my current state. but this night, for some reason, i begin… i search them out, the ones that jump like runes from a velvet bag directly into my wanting hand; my fingertips accept them, recognize them as if they were always there for me to hold… and so i line them up to make something new. something that could mean nothing; but tonight, this night, they mean everything.

so this is for kyra, who is this mom and so much more than just an amazing writer.  a few months ago, she shared what she called “consulting the oracle” from her days of journalling post divorce, and it got me looking at my fridge magnets in a new way.