wholehearted

it was addressed to The Lovely Meredith Winn. so an instant smile spread across my face {thank you for that} i tore open the envelope and couldn’t wait to begin. this book, this protest, this concept is strong in my heart.

words like compassion and courage and bravery bounce around when i picked up Brene’s book. this is a good thing, like sitting with family from faraway. but you know what? it was one word that made me stand at attention. for me on my own path, right now, looking at my own reflection. it’s something that resonates.

Wholehearted.

you see, it’s the gift of imperfection. see yourself for what you are. perfectly imperfect.

” Wholeheartedness is as much about embracing our tenderness and vulnerability
as it is about developing knowledge and claiming power.”

i take photos. and i don’t always know why until after the fact. usually. usually it’s the process that helps me figure out why i picked up my camera anyway. i took this photo after sitting in the yard crying. after trying to find the words to answer river’s questions. about his nana. about my mom. about the concept that is shattering his five year old world that mother’s can die. as soft as i explain it. as vague as i can be. to shelter him, to shelter my own inner childish self. he sees past it. he sees into the red eyes on the bad days and knows that nana being “sick in her brain” is bigger than life and death and sadness and truth. for both of us.

when this kid sees me, he sees straight into my heart.
and it learns me to see it myself.
to hold it with quiet regard for what it is.
for what i hope to become.
wholehearted. in all it’s imperfection.

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