now and again

i revisit this photo from time to time. taken at the very start of NOW YOU workshops, before that baby was born, before the journey started. it’s me, hibernating.

some things never change, right? i can expect that now. the same routine for me: write, sleep, play, fall silent. here we are now in our six and final week of class and i wonder where the time went. and i look through the images collected over this month and a half, and i am blown away at the simple fact of what community can inspire in us. what a beautiful thing to be part of.

this is how it goes: time flies away from us. we shed it like our winter coat, when suddenly we are lighter and sunburnt and giddy with spring. now summer… barefeet, mossy grass, creekside.

time gets away from me with work and life and life and work. it’s now the end of may and the beginning of a goodbye that will stretch the full length of summer. we stand on the cusp of newness and feel the wind and sun. we feel the push and pull, the dance of motherhood and childhood. i don’t write in this space because i can’t seem to find the words. i let it go and busy myself and stay afloat and learn and laugh and love and i trust that the time will come again for me and this blog.

there’s no better place to start, now and again. life is on repeat. i should learn to expect this, and yet i’m caught by surprise each and every time.

hi. it’s good to see you.

i am enough

i am enough.
thoughts become things.
i am enough now. although, there was a time when i didn’t believe it. not wholeheartedly atleast. sure, i said it aloud as if to coax myself into believing the words that fell from my mouth like loose teeth. i was a little girl for a long time, lost in my mind, wanting to be grown up but not quite sure i got the same instruction manual as everyone else.

i remember when I Am Enough was born,  and all the women and strengths that poured through there… i read each one wondering why my own words weren’t coming.

be gentle with yourself.

i was looking at my light. i was pining for it, off in the distance i could see it. but i had not stepped into my light yet.

i am enough.
i learned it through my camera lens.
photography taught me to see myself.

i believe it now. from the soles of my feet to the greying hairs on my head. and whether it comes from fires that we walk through or if it arrives with age or circumstance or positive reinforcements shouting their love… i am enough.

right here. right now.
i am enough.

this shyness. this struggle with voice. this motherloss. this grief… i am enough.
this co-parenting, this blended family, this newness…. i am enough.
this passion, this career, this vision i see… i am enough.

i am.

*****

today i’m sharing these words as part of a self-kindness collaboration, I Am Enough, the brainchild of tracey clark. a few years ago, this sacred space came to exist and it became the home to many brave women who had a story to share.  a space to honor yourself, your journey, your truths, and your image. a space where your words can come to live alongside many other women. a tribe of sorts: women chanting their truths.

thank goodness a place like this exists, the world is kinder for it.

sleep perchance to dream

scanography, n., the process of capturing digitized images for the purpose of creating art using a flatbed scanner.

as we began our journey into self portaits last week with the launch of NOW YOU Workshops, many a great discussions were had about self portraiture. a friend shared a link to inspiration she found on the flickr blog about scanography … and it got me really curious to try something new!

the results can be so dreamlike or eerie, depending on your mood and what you choose to focus on. many years ago, friends and i would make xeroxed copies of images similiar to this only with cool effects in black and white, but nothing prepared me for what i saw after i laid my face on my scanner bed this week! it perfectly summed up my dizzy morning and head full of dreams that swirled around me and one sick little boy.

to get lost in something creative was exactly the outlet i needed to step outside of myself even if just for that moment.