each new year finds me looking back and looking forward. like many of you, it’s a time of reflection. it also seems to be a time wrought with deadlines for me, which really pushes and stretches the outer limits of my creativity. i am, sometimes, my own worst enemy when it comes to writing deadlines. i am also my own worst critic (as words dance across the page taunting me with their misbehavior in that they never seem to listen or to sit right on the page.) i wrestle them into behaving, because this is my way when it comes to a battle of wills. my strong head leads the way and although i’m weepy on the inside my outer wall is strong as i plow my way through the discomfort. it’s only after days or weeks of struggling, do i find peace on the other side. this is just part of my process. and now that i am sharing a life with a partner who himself is also an artist, can i put words to this process of mine. only now it seems that i can allow myself the kind eyes to see it for what it is: totally normal. to feel loved through the struggle has been a great source of perseverance for me this past year as i work out the kinks in how i’m growing into myself.
the only way around it is through it.
so as the new year approached, i looked forward with great hope… and with a strong desire to do better and be better (at x,y,z… fill in the blank with those same things you want to achieve for yourself) these are my own inner stories that i want to work on, to satisfy my heart (for who i am as a writer and photographer, partner, mother and step-mother) at times i feel pulled in different directions and i want to allow myself the freedom this year to explore all those possibilities.
i also want to embrace all that is real in my life. and let my writing and photography reflect this as well.
right now, today (saturday afternoon 4:15pm) i am on the cusp of newness in most every direction i look. my yearlong photography eCourse is about to begin (on monday!) and with it, i am about to embark on a new 52 weeks project myself. just last week i had the sudden realization of this truth (52 weeks of self portraits) and it simultaneously frightened and excited me. it frightened me because i’ve very much neglected my camera this past year … and i think i know why. and it excited me because i know just how powerful it can be to get back in the saddle again and begin a process of self discovery.
right now, today (saturday afternoon 4:17pm) there is an evolution happening over at shutter sisters too. it’s all very exciting and new and full of possibility. change is good! we are on the cusp of newness and it all feels very tingly inside.
right now, today (saturday afternoon 4:19pm) there are new cross country skis and poles and boots and miles of trails that i am open to discover. there’s also the promise of learning to ski downhill (again after all these years) so i can ski with my son on his last day of ski school this year. a promise i made last year, that he is holding me to, as much as it scares me to step outside of my comfort zone, it’s exciting to begin thinking of new ways to exercise my mind and legs and heart.
so, how are all of you? are you beginning new projects this year?
i wrote an article in this month’s Digital Photo Magazine about embarking on the photographic journey that is project 365. care to share your thoughts? in looking back i am realizing (again and again) the power of photography and where it takes me in my life. but mostly in how it teaches me to see.
like this image here, in the grass with my golden child. a moment that feels forever away. i can look at this image and remember it with a crispness. the light. the conversation. the strength in our power of two-ness. life is very different these days. but it’s because of moments like these that we are who we are now. and i must carry that with me always. it’s a gift. for him as well as me.
i hope that this year brings you moments of truth.