project :: life

i always carried my camera with me everywhere anyway. if you must know, i’m ridiculously cruel to my camera. tossing it in the car, banging it around. but please know that i am ridiculously generous to my camera too. showing it things most people walk past.

this project 365 is changing my focus.

sure sure, i’m on day 8. yeah yeah, 252 days from now i might be whistling a different tune. but focus? wow. this is more than a photo a day project, it’s quickly becoming project :: life.

i find myself thinking about my day. actively. not just being the drone sleepwalking through my day just to muddle through. not like last year, where i thought i had focus. where i pretended to focus on anything other than life in order to survive. that, i’m afraid, is called distraction.

this…. this is different.

this is diving deep and staring life right in the face. i feel like i am an active participant once again in my life. that i seek out beauty to remember. and not just to document. but to live.

moments to cherish. real life.

many times during my day i think “what is the one thing i would want to remember from today?” even if it was a total shit day. even if the cat coughed up hairballs and the fridge was almost as empty as my gas tank.  each and every day there is atleast one thing to remember and cherish. (that is not to say that some days i won’t be documenting the grey hairs or the broken transmission). this is not a pair of rose colored glasses. this is life for real.

today we bounced afterschool. we went bananas in one of those indoor inflatable crazy bouncey warehouses. and that was my photo for today: river in mid-air.

but it is so much more than that freeze frame. the moment to cherish was the quick drive home to ward off the asthma attack. the moment to cherish was the love of being his mother and all that it entails. the moment to cherish was the worry washed free. the moment to remember was parking next to a VW full of love with him in my backseat chattering away and my heart full of love facing all this unknown. the moment to remember was the hug he threw around my knees after stepping out of the car.

what i realized is that it’s all tied together like photos in a book.
all of these moments.
becoming life.
and i’m grateful for the eyes to see it.