the sum of me

if you scream FUCK! at the top of your lungs out the windshield it goes nowhere. in fact, the words bounce right back at you.

scared of your own anger, frustration, sadness.

{this was october 2009}

now i sense a shift. i cannot undo what has been done. i can only be me now, whoever that may be in this moment. i can only accept that and move forward, trailing words and images behind me.

{this is the shift. january 2010. freedom}

i stumbled on this, this most fascinating site that scrambles your blog (or whatever web address you want)  into a cloud of words.

i sighed and typed in the~spirit~of~the~river and i found myself holding my breath… wondering how many times the word FUCK! turned out in print. wondering what the sum of me, this four year old blog, looks like in something as beautiful as a word cloud.

i felt so much anger for such a long time, and so much sadness.
but i saw light, and felt so much hope during those times too.

i thought about all of this while waiting for the words to reveal themselves. a bit like peering into the mirror unsure of what flaws would be seen. but what i saw made me smile and then i quickly realized that this is truly who i am. and i waved to myself, somewhat relieved that i am still what i think i am. not lost. just me.

the big words jumped out boldly:

but the little words can’t hide their strength: