inside outside upside down

“That’s not my real reflection, she said. I’ve changed so much since then most people barely recognize me.” ~ storypeople

the release comes post-birthday. the freefall of lightness that enters a year anew with possibility and hope. it’s not just the time of year, the coming of spring … but the dreams that carry me forward, the intentions i set with new mantras that hug the power of positivity.

reflections are pure dreaminess. they are the beauty of childhood imagined, a life dreamed up in a flash of sunlight and sea sparkle. reflections are how to turn the world on its end, to dive inside outside, to peek beneath and beyond the ordinary that you face every single moment of every single day.

coping mechanisms.

that’s what they say. put a family in crisis and you’ll see coping mechanisms. they pop up like mushrooms after a rain. laughter becomes medicine. put a family in crisis and you’ll feel the floor shift and creak as everyone takes a step to the left, filling new shoes, bridging the gaps, taking on new roles.

i reflect. i abstract. i twist and contort my eye to make believe my reality just like when i was a kid playing house in neighboring trees.

“do you wish you were a kid, momma?” he’s truthful with his inquiry and i remember my knobby-kneed self wishing away the time until i was grown up so i could go to bed or eat ice cream whenever i wanted.

“you know what? i remember being a kid and wishing i was grown. and now i’m grown and sometimes i wish i was a kid again.” he nods solemnly in his way he has about him when he’s thinking of lego creations. he’s looking for connection. always. just like the plastic blocks with locking pieces. he fiddles with them, he’s looking for connection to know he’s not alone, in hopes to build something bigger and better and stronger.

i get that in him. i really do. he and i are different pieces of the same puzzle.

i look for reflection. because then i can be two. both selves connected at the ankle standing in the cold atlantic ocean. i look for reflection in my piscean way of swimming with my twin in opposite directions.

kid and grown-up.
grown-up kid.

inside outside upside down. i am the mediator. the go between.  the grown daughter holding the family ties together like a bouquet of flowers held with silk ribbons that float on the breeze.

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for more thoughts on worthiness and love and acceptance,
head on over to gypsy girl’s guide and say hello to alex to enter her giveaway!

 

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