right way wrong way

my past merged on the highway three car lengths in front of me.  that kind of shit surprises me in this big little city. especially at 1:15 on a thursday. the car, the bumperstickers. all the same. but all very different.

funny how time does that while we aren’t paying attention.

we drove like that for a minute or two, all of our fourteen years in that distance of car bumpers. him oblivious. me cautious. exit after exit with two hands on the wheel, until it becomes clear that we need to go our separate ways. 

and then we do.
just like that.

one of three things happens after a divorce:

1. you lose friends.

{those you loved and shared for years and years. those whose loyalties lie on the other side of which you completely understand. but you miss their friendship, insight, jokes, laughter, family, dogs, and tattoos regardless.}

2. you repel people

{those who fear divorce as some sort of leprosy. as if they come too close, something that made your marriage dissolve might rub off on them, a sneeze perhaps will infect them and sprout a seed of unhappiness in their own life to which they cannot ignore. these people stand back i believe in fear for looking too deeply at their own hearts. these people are seldom the ones to question why in life, and i am not hurt by this repulsion. i only carry the mirror in which they don’t want to look.}

3. you attract people

{like butterflies to flowers. these people who hear your voice, read your words, see your eyes and recognize something all too familiar in them peering back. these people must share their story with you at all costs, by email or text or photo or handshake. a “it’s tricky isn’t it?” a commiseration at the same time empowerment. a beautiful package delivered by someone you just met. let’s get down to the core of living. the truth of the heart. yes please there is no time to waste on frivilous talk of anything small when there are bills to pay and mouths to feed and hearts to bloom. oh and will they bloom! they are walking proof of where you have been and where you can go, and how beautiful it will be once you get there. and even if you are so willing as to see it, how beautiful it is right here where you are now. even though some days it just might not feel all that peachy right here right now.  these people gather round you like the tribe they are unknowingly in, simply because of fate or choice or love or happiness or simply needing to take different exits.}

this is the wrong way or the right way.
and i’m happy to say i’m experiencing the latter.

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