being present

objects are often placed in our path. gifts, they are. we may not notice them though, we may step around them many many times until something finally opens our eyes to the treasure that was not a treasure until the very moment we were ready to see it.

we shake the rocks out of our shoes
and realize what it should have felt like all along.
* when i say “we” i mean me *

i am trying to become more aware of what is given to me. on this path. maybe aware isn’t the right word. i’ve most always been able to see things clearly but i’ve just never much acted upon these gifts. often my response was one that resounded from a place of fear, a polite ‘no thank you’ instead of the self confidence overflowing into ‘yes, indeed!’

i’m chickenshit.
socially awkward.
and often a flounderer of words.

i can type faster than i can speak. and that is a problem in the real world, you know, face to face, where there is no keyboard on which to type. so this, apparently, is the year of getting over that. this is the year of me voicing up. putting on the heels that make me 6’3 and being present. this is the year of being real in real life.

remember my concerns of being seen?
and remember my revelation of real life?

i’m on a maddening cycle. it plays on repeat until i get it right. the good thing is that there is plenty of practice. looking into another set of eyes, feeling that flutter, the words fly out my ears but the smile stays on my lips. this year i’ve come to see clearly that i am not the sum of my past relationships, but i am something new every day.

i’m taking an adventure (a literal one that requires a plane to deposit me on the streets of NYC) i’m taking a leap into my life. i feel it’s about time.

here at home
there on the east coast
but also in an alternate universe.

if you’re in NYC or going to NYC later this week, look for my smiling eyes, and my art on exhibit friday night at the art auction. and if you’re looking for me here in austin, well, i’ll be home in a few weeks.