lazy hazy daze

wall to wall carpeting invites lounging. i had forgotten this about him. legos spread underfoot, he marks his territory in this new space. i can’t blame him, and so i step gingerly. i am marking my territory too, with photos tacked to the walls and buddhas placed methodically as reminders to breathe.

upon arriving i realized our need for floor pillows. i am easily distracted by reality am i not? floor pillows are really not high on my priority list as we unpack and disassemble life as we knew it and walk boldly into something new and somewhat surprising. we dig around in closets and attics up here in this space called “studio”. he found my old stuffed bear from the early 80’s and it’s become a staple in our space ever since. a symbol of comfort. the blending of the old and new lives that are creasing together like a to-do list that’s been shoved deep into a pocket.

there is more empathy here between us, as we figure this out. “this” being everything. everything that is new. new light pouring in from new windows. new staircases and forgotten items left on the second floors and momma working at night and dark kitchens with stained glass lampshades and tall beds and cats that disappear all day for hours at a time in the vastness of this space.

i mother differently here. it’s all part of the process. he sees me in the middle. he sees himself in me. i am momma. i am daughter. i am caregiver. i am bratty teenager. we are all one and the same as he sees me tuck my mom into bed and smile at her vacantness and make conversation with her silence.

he holds my hand as i hold hers.

this is family. this is love. this is life as we know it right now. this is what is reality. and it’s beautiful. and tough. and good. it’s filled with sandy subarus and beach chairs and popsicles before dinner and barefeet and too much tv and legos on the floor.

and that’s ok with me.
i’m learning to look before i leap.

~~~~

ps: you can join me at shutter sisters today if you feel so inclined to share a bit of your everyday with me.

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