be the surf

we only text now because there is distance, a mutual distance that we know we need. it’s safer that way, all of us behind our respective walls. every now and then some important stuff comes through the cracks, leaving the grudges and anger alone in the face of emergency. thoughts and words unjarbled stand out in bold print with a blinking cursor emphasizing their importance at that given moment.

“be the surf” he said.

i’m trying. but it’s not always as easy as that to remember. things used to be a lot simpler, when i was younger. now the world seems too big, too small, too i don’t know what i’m doing anymore holy fuck i moved across the country and my mom is dying and i miss her and yet here i am anyway straddling these worlds as i look always to the future more hopeful positive life that i know exists out there for us even as we are in a constant state of transition right this very second and health declines and emergency room visits and mom i want a new lego and the gas tank is empty and and and…

so i escape to the beach.

with a six year old hand in mine. we put our feet on sand.

hide under the pier.

marvel at the vastness.

laugh at the silliness.

be in the moment, drippy ice cream cones and all.

and never ever, lose sight of the future.
be the surf, yes. it’s a good mantra.

Advertisements